~ three parts mad, and the fourth delirious, with perpetual rushing of hard times ~ Dickens

Saturday, November 5, 2011

On 11/05/2011 03:11:00 PM by Unknown   No comments

We are here for some special reason. Stop being a prisoner of past. Become the architect of your future!”-Robin Sharma

I was chatting with my friend today and she came up with a question,"Prabesh! are you happy with your life today? Are you happy with how you turned out to be today, don’t you have anything in your mind you wish you were doing today…blah blah blah … is your life successful?" First of all, the question came right after I managed to make her show some teeth with my agonizingly unfunny  Washing powder Nirma story. The second, it’s a time when I was comparing myself with Gopal(of Revolution 2020) and saying, ‘Gosh! I am not like you ba**rd’, although I am in all time low with my used to be small circle of friends who shared all the blues and glows in these 20 years of my life. So, I gave her a pretty much notebook answer, ‘life has been sometimes great sometimes bad, But I am always good, I am good when I am good, I am good when I am bad’. It wasn’t enough to satisfy her(I managed to get rid of her saying I will tell her about it some days later). And neither did I find satisfaction with the answer( a reason why I am typing this at 3 in the morning). Casey-Killarney

First of all, Twenty some, isn’t an age to contemplate, I am too young to Judge my life. But life has given me so many glows and blues in these twenty some year, so few man can ever imagine. My life is not perfect, and there is no reason to hide it. I am bookworm(when I get to see books), I live by the quotes and movies and other ironies that fit in my life and try to persuade myself. I am vulnerable to believing lies. I have best friends and enemies. I always try to smile(bet you wont distinguish which one is fake)But the other side of the coin is, I am like the shoe-less boy among so many other who doesn’t even have a leg.

The other day, I watched a real great Banglai movie named ‘Eti Mrinalini’ starring Konkona sen and others, which was about how life has other plans. For most part of the movie, the protagonist wanted to commit suicide, and when she changes her mind and does want to live, she gets shot-dead at a crossfire between Naxalist and police. You don’t always get what you wish to achieve, that’s what the movie was all about, and that’s how my life has been. First of all, although from not an well to do family, my parents provided me with everything that I ever wished to have, and the love.. more than anyone else could have. Back then I used to have a small group of people who I used to share everything with, a group called best friends forever. One thing I learned from time is there is nothing called forever in the world, not even the best friends forever thing!

 

I am studying the subject I always wanted to study, albeit had to pay hard price to do so. It took me more than a year to discover medical wasn’t my thingy. Threw away too many other opportunities, and in the eleventh hour I ended up here. To be fair, this place wasn’t the one I thought I will be coming. The people were like Aliens, didn’t understand a single word, and honestly the food sucked(still does). So, When I came here, It was like I am having an stroke after a heartbreak(its peronal dude!) And, I came here with my rebellion streak, which initially gave me so many hard times. One thing that kept me adaptive and motivated was that I was studying what I loved. But, gradually, and after three years, the alien-ism is no more, I understand kaam-chalau Bangla, although the food sucks still, but if you have good company you can cope with everything. About the heartbreak, it still pinches sometime,,, although its gone more or less!

Before told, I haven’t had too many struggles and heartbreaks. My life has always been ridiculously simple. Be it fake or real, you will always see a smile below my nose. I am living my life as it is, coping with everything and making it better, and learning to make the same mistakes no more. What I am doing might be the thing I would be doing had this been the last day of my life, I will certainly someday. And hey, I didn’t loose my youth on just staying young.

The fact is, I visualize the cup as half full. If I hold on to the negative, I would have allowed the event to own a part of me or all of me; and the loss of control equates to similar loss of my happiness. So, I take the other choice, a choice to move forward, forgive, heal and learn, a choice not to resent on things I cant take back; and move forward with my life rather than being stuck in the quicksand of replaying what occurred. The fact is there is no “Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda’s”. No matter how hard I wish I could, I can never change the past. All the replays wont undo what happened in the past. So I just learned not to resent, rather I resolve I wont re-do it again.

So, everyday when I wake up, I say to myself, Thank god its today(some of you already know my personal description of god,,, don’t ya?).. and try to make the day as positive as possible.. so that I hope I will never have to resent about it.

 

(P.S. A special Thank you if you have read this post this far, now imagine this ‘I’ was ‘You’, what would you do with your today?)

0 comments:

Post a Comment