Friday, May 20, 2011

Is it too late to be back again?

loving you is one thing I could never stop to do.

Hey you! Why do you follow me everywhere? you follow me in my dreams, I can see you while I eat, while I am awake, while I am in nuisance, while I am obdurate your image comes to make me normal, I always carve to share my happiness with you. why is it so girl? why cant you leave me and my memories? You are not special, I know that, you know that. But this idiot heart doesn’t fathom this.

You came to my life like mediocrity. the relation started with hatred. You used to be childish-girlfriend of my friend/relative. When I first went to the tole that you were in, you guys had just parted. You never talked with any of the folks, we never talked with you either. I heard all kind of stories about you, about how crazy you were to dump my friend and the stories of egoist version of you. The felling of hatred was there. I didn’t care about how you were as I never knew who you were.

Nearly two years. After finishing my Schooling I went back there again.This time I had to complete my higher secondary studies from the neighbour you lived. It was co-incidence that we met in the Bus-stand. Some thug rickshaw-wala was irritating you, I helped you out. You didn’t know me, I told you about myself. we went to home by same rickshaw. you told about your story, as I was so curious with interrogation all over my face. you had exclamation  all over. This is how we be-friended. and since all the folks saw me with you, no one talked with me for a day or two.

You were in class 10 I was starting 11, a year senior but we opted to be friends. You started coming to my place regularly, I was always in or out of your home. the hatred of other folks was starting to blur too. Soon we were best buddies. Well as people say, a boy and girl cant be just friend forever (its not true in all cases, as I have a friend, who happens to be a girl, and we are best buddies since forever) that happened. its not the matter of who proposed but a year after we were already inseparable. you went to other college that was morning and mine was day. I used to wake up so early in the morning to bid you morning goodbye-smile, and you used to be waiting for me to come when I came back form college, everyday. The love grew, florished all through the year.(no need of telling all the details of what we did hai?)

In 1969, a week of Woodstock was when the greatest time of Hippes. those 20 lakh hippies without any destination, without any boundary just enjoyed the music, the acid and the herb. it was also when the fall of the hippies started. My woodstock was the last week there. I had to go for higher studies, you had to stay there to complete yours. we couldn’t be together any longer. Had the skype been there the intimacy would have been there. and since both of us thought mobile will tinker our privacy we were both against using it.

I went to bangladesh, you started doing engineering in the same town. I went to bangladesh without asking you, that began the fall of our relationship. you tried coming to bangladesh, but you dad wont let his only daughter to go away from home. He was right too. Then began the downfall. despite all our tries, the rumors almost never stopped coming. you were told a lot of non-existent things about me, I was told the same things. the electrostatic bond became hydrogen bond, all that needed was a little of denaturation agent, some of my own acted as it. Now the best alternative was to remain no longer together.

After, last year, we havent talked. you have never accepted my friend request (a reason to add on why am I quitting it), you wont give me your number, neither will you reply any of my mails or letters. you stopped talking to  folks. they say you always remain alone in home, either in the balcony or terrace staring at my room. you no longer go out re, not even in the college functions or picnics.

I am in no peace either. I thought the decision was best for both of us, but it turned out to be the worst. Not being with you is the hardest part of my life. No need to mention being my first and only love, you are always special. A large smiling face of yours always is attached in front of my study table, there is a recent photograph of you (which I managed to get somehow) as wallpaper of my laptop. I often read the mails/letter you sent me.

But, I don’t have the courage to see you. A reason why I never came to that place again. What will I say when I see you, or the reverse? All I know is the relationship is too much broken to mend now. but I also know is forgetting you is never possible even if I replace all the cells of my body.

loving you is my favorite mistake, and leaving you is the worst.


(This is not my story…. or what do you think?…… comments!)

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