Saturday, August 11, 2012

Why Must I Change!

Was watching Alexander the umpteenth time yesterday, and suddenly it popped in my head, what would it must have felt to the conqueror of the world at the age of 29 and be dead at the age of 23, that too secretly ploted by own wife and friends. Like Ptolemy said, "Dreamers exhaust us, and dreamers should die before the dreams become burden to those who cant march with it", guess that’s what happened with the great man.  Many say, Alexander was a gay, he and his relation with Hepasthisian and Bagous are talked worldwide, as much as we talk about Achilies and patroculus. And, many more say he was an egoist.. Many argue still that he is just a myth. Whatever they say, there are enough evidence to suggest that Alexander, infact existed, and was no doubt the greatest emperor of all. He just didn’t conquer asia, he transformed asia. Brought the whole greek civilization with him, and made all those Alexandrias he built. At that time, they were the marvels before time. What would you do, if you had choice? Would you live a hundred years and die a midget, or would you achieve it all at the mere age of 33 and die as a legend?

Then there is Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, John Bohnham, Kurt cobain etc..  All artists who lived it fast, died young, and left a beautiful corpse behind. While all of the '27 club' are sheer genius. The Doors and Nirvana, are still one of THE BANDS, and there wont be another man in Drums like John Bohnham was.. But one man inspires me like no one else, and that man is no Jimmy!  The picture of this iconic figure in a deep pink bandana playing the "voodo chilie" at the Woodstock music festival in 1969 remains one of the most enduring images of rock music. He did things with Guitar that no one ever imagined, and no one will ever repeat. There is definitely no one else in the Guitar, that brings same aura and genius as jimmy did. Well, everyone knows the greatness of a man. Imagine someone dead 40 years ago, at the mere age of 27 still being referred to as the Greatest ever Guitar player. What would you do if you had a choice, would you die 'a genius' at 27 or would you live a midget life.

While, I am not a fan of our myths, one greek mythical man, Achiles, is my favourite. He was egoist, fought for himself, and even endangered his troops when he abandoned the war because patroculus was killed. History has different versions of his story. But, everyone agrees on one thing, When Achiles was young, he was asked to chose between a midget and long life or a short, daring and legendary. He chose the later, and rest is Just History. He might have never existed, but his tales exist still.

While I am living a midget life, yet I love it. And I hope, there wont be an empty epitah hanging near my corpse when I die. But if had a choice, and if I was Achilies, or Jimmy Hendrix, or Alexander, I would have done what they did every single time.  I would have never liked to live till the sixties or eighties and die a midget. But what certainly  don’t want the denial of my presence. I guess its totally natural I want change. There is nothing wrong with preferring, clarity, equanimity, and connection over confusion, fear and loneliness.  And to be truthful, if I am not doing it, something is wrong. But whatever i prefer, it is essential I take care of my self, stay true within, or lest fall into arrogance or compliance. How can I Identify whats that is changeable, or whats not? The problem is not simple, I might as well be in agreement with whats happening or else keep on asking "why cant I change it again?"
When something cannot be changed – at least not yet – we get the sensation of pushing against a many-ton boulder: despite our grueling efforts, frustration and determination, nothing budges.

And that’s what brings the frustration. At least that’s what I understand now. If I cant move the boulder, there are other ways that are open for us. We can use the strength and skill we have to its true merit, we can stop wanting for something better(what other have) and become example to ourself, with what we still have/are. In what we want to become, that we forget the essential matter: awakening to our true nature. And our true nature is boundless, selfless, pure, luminous. Many call it Buddha-nature, it  is what we are when we completely without artifice and self-interest.

While I may not imitate the Buddha nature, to its fullest.. Whats wrong with trying, and that’s what I am doing…

Thank you for everyone who read the post!