A Human. Being!

मौनताको अर्थ धेरै छ यसोधरा,
शव्दमा त अर्थ सिमित छ,
भाव आँखामा लुकिरहेको छ,
कुनै बन्धनले बाँध्न सकेन उसलाई,
न नवजात पुत्रको अनुहारले,
न दरवारले- न पत्नि प्यारले,
उ आज तिम्रो सामु नाजवाफ छ।


तिमिले सोधेको कुरा सोध्न सक्दैन कसैले;
किन भाग्यो उ सबैदेखि?
के दरवारमा ज्ञान सम्भब थिएन?
बाधक थियो कि त्यो प्रेम?
कि त्यो शिशुको मुस्कान?
उसको मौनताको अर्थ के यसोधरा?
तिम्रो प्रशनको उत्तर के त्यहि हो त?


चिवर वस्त्रमा यतिखेर राजमहलको ढोकामा,
उभिएको छ यौटा भुतपूर्व राजकुमार,
माग्न आयो कि दिन आयो उ?
केहि बिर्सेको थियो र लिन आयो कि?
शब्दमा त उत्तर छैन यसोधरा,
भेट्नै परथ्यो र भेट्यो तिमिलाई,
सोध्नै परथ्यो र सोध्यौ तिमिले।
तर सर्वज्ञान सम्पन्न उसमा,
यतिखेर तिम्रो प्रश्नको उत्तर छैन यसोधरा ।


समय छ बलवान, समयमै छ सबैकुरा
आखिर तिमिले त्यो मौका पनि पायौ,
कि राहुललाई एकैपल्ट ढाल र तरवार देऊ;
तिम्रो प्रश्नको तैपनि उत्तर छैन यसोधरा,
तिमिलाई निर्जन बनाएर गएको थियो उ;
ज्ञान प्राप्तिका निमित्त;
यतिखेर बुद्ध पनि मौन छ,

काहिँ छैन, कसैसित छैन तिम्रो प्रश्नको उत्तर;
यसोधरा- समयसँगै तिम्रो प्रश्न पनि मौन भएको छ,
त्यसैले त आजभोली कोहि-कतै प्रश्न गर्दैनन् मौन-बुद्धलाई।



( Buddha returned to Lumbini six years after attaining enlightment.

"My husband is now the Lord Buddha, belonging to the line of Buddhas," she thought to herself, "It would not be correct for me to go to him. He no longer needs me. I think it is better to wait and see." After a while the Buddha asked after her. They told him where she was.The King told him. The Buddha gave his bowl to his father, asking him not to tell Yasodhara that he was visiting her. The King, along with the entire dinner party, followed the Buddha as he entered his wife's chambers, thus, unannounced. She rushed to him, fell to the floor, held his ankles, placed her head at his feet and cried, literally washing his feet with her tears No one, not even the Buddha, said a word until she had stopped crying. Suddhodana spoke.

"Lord Buddha," began the King, "When your wife, my daughter-in-law, Yasodhara, heard that you were wearing yellow robes, she did likewise. When she heard you were eating one meal a day, she did the same. When she heard that you had given up lofty couches, she lay on a low couch and when she heard that you had given up garland and scents, she, too, gave them up. So virtuous is my daughter-in-law." The Buddha then revealed that he and Yasodhara were soulmates, and had been lovers in many previous lifetimes. Yasodhara became an Arahant, and one of the first few Bhikkhunis (nuns). She followed him, and stayed with him, but, of, course, not as his wife, per se.

After mourning her husband's departure, and coming to accept his loss, Yasodhara forgave him. Forgiveness is especially important to Metaphysics. She was also grateful that he was still alive, and would accept her as an Arahant. One can't help but notice Gratitude as being important in this story, although flawed is the belief and story itself as it is mouthed.)

I saw her again. It has been long since we saw each other, I don’t remember how many years. We met again, it was just the co-incidence. I was walking in the streets of Damak when I saw her again. She, I guess was coming out of the grocery store. She was amazed to see me. She waved me with a smile in her face which I can pretty much imagine hid many things.She said," Prabesh! How are you?”I replied,"I am all right, how about you? How is your Husband?”The smile faded and she said,"Everything is going pretty well,hubby is fine too, and do you know I have a daughter who is 2 year  old!”I was shocked,amazed, happy,excited,dizzy!

Prerana and I were just 1 month apart by birth. I was born to a typical Brahman family and she was shrestha.We knew each other when our parents admitted in the same school. She was a typical young girl who spoke too much, I was as always not a talkative person. The teacher, Chandrakala Ma’am put us in the same bench, side by side. By the end of the day,we started talking to each other. few weeks later we became friends. I still remember my first exam in the school when she saw me not writing the ka, kha, ga in the answer paper and told me later, “You idiot why aren’t you writing it from the poster?”.

Our parents lost count of how many nights we spent together. While we played Bhadakuti, she let no-one else to be my wife, saying she was my best friend. We grew up like that. We were best buddies. I wasn’t handsome, she wasn’t hot either. or, we didn’t care about how we looked.

Then when the harmone started to hit us, many things changed. We couldn’t sleep together like we used to do in the childhood, we couldn’t bath together in the pool like we used to do. As we grew older, we were not always together. The boys started calling me girlish as I was always talking to her. The girls called her Tomboy,for she didn’t had many girl friends. Like they say every good things has to change, our relation was on the change.

 From friends we became competitors. Since I used to get better grades than her every time, she was angry with me. I knew her feelings and did bad intentionally in class 8. She was happy once again, and said to me “Finally I beat you once again.” I said I will beat you next time. she said we are friends aren’t we? Yeah we were! The last two years of our school went like that.

We joined the same college. She stayed in the hostel, I had some relatives. Since we knew no one else, we were closer than ever. The murmers started, friends and relatives all made it the rumors. The harmones made her hotter. Boys are boys, they sent her many proposals. She used to tell me every time, and I was the one threatening if she asked me to do. Knowingly unknowingly I didn’t cared about any girls in the city. Only thing I cared about in the whole college was her and the books. I had a future to make.

Since everyone talked about our relationship, the feeling developed the wings, and the inevitable happened. we started to date, it was like the old days, just the relationship status was changed. When we came back to home during vacations, my parents were like the Hitlers. I had lot of lectures to hear and lot of explanations to make. I just opted to zip my mouth after saying we were just friends.

 After going back to Biratnagar, prerana said,"Prabesh, how long can we be together? will this be life long? Common you are a bramhin and I am shrestha.. what will our family say?”

I replied, “Don’t worry Prerana. Don’t have any suspicion about our relation, we will fight the society.”

The college finished. She started her B.Sc. Nursing. Oh! I forget to mention she came from a well-to-do family and I was a not so-well-to-do family. I had to make everything on my own. I joined B.Sc., worked for a job and tried my luck to study engineering in India. a year later I got chance too. I went to India,she was studying in kathmandu. Some phonecalls per week was all we used to do. I never came back during my engineering years to save my money. She understood too.

The years passed. She graduated a year before me. I got job offer in India, whereas she started working in a hospital as per the scholarship deal. our relationship was all smooth. Until one day she talked me about her marrige proposal from the family. She told me they are forcing her to. I was stuck in a big problem of my own too. She wrote me a so many mails, I wrote back that I will come there and marry her.

I talked with my parents, They were like a bomb about to explode. They made me swear on the name of all 220 forefathers of our ancestry that I will not marry any girl outside my caste. I was in an emotional delimna of my own. Both of them were so special for me that I couldn’t part with. Neither could I part with her, nor could I part with my family. She wrote me one final time,”My marrige is fixed for baisakh 23, if you wish to she me alive for the shake of my love come and take me”. I couldn’t resist, I decided to go for her. Without telling my family I took the train and rushed to nepal on 21st. The fate was written for me, the train crashed, I was injured and spent the day in hospital unconcious when she was in the carriage. we had to succum to fate.

Life was never the same again. It had been four years since. Her husband is a doctor and they work in same hospital rey. Me, I vowed that I wont marry anyone else. I was in turmoil. Spent lots of weeks in the osho tapobaan until reached in some agreement with my mind, and decided to work again. I established a company of my own, the prerana softwares, which is doing pretty well.

Here I was in Damak for the inaguration of its first branch in Nepal, when I ran into her. I was excited to see her, and too much uncomfortable to face her. Her husband knew everyting about me already so it was not a problem going to her house, but I didn’t know what I could do.

Her daughter told me,"Uncle, you are friend of my mom since child rey hai?”

I replied, “Yes! I am”

her name was Asna, she said,"you used to steal mums lunch?”

oh my! prerana told everthing about me to this lil cute daughter of her.

I replied,"Yes, we did a lot of things. By the way did preran told her how she used to comb her hair, and how many days she used to weep if she failed to beat me in exam?”

Prerana said “stop it Prabesh” but asna had to say,"Runchi mummy!”

I replied, “And asna did anyone tell you that you are exactly like prerana when she was young? except you don’t have runny nose”.

Everyone laughed. We had pretty good dinner. Raj, her husband, had to leave early for some late phone call, but I stayed till late.

Before I left, she asked me,"prabesh why aren’t you married yet?”

I replied,"I am not as lucky as raj, and there is no other girl in the world like you Prerana.”

I added,"the fate had written something else prerana, I tried, but the fate won”

she said,"yeah I heard about that prabesh, I was glad our relation wasn’t superficial after all”

Yes prerana, though fate had its own saying but I still love you. More than anything else in this god damn planet. The love doesn’t need any name,any gettings or any physical orgasms.

She invited me to her house, I was in a rush so made some excuse and said I will catch her later. We exchanged our phone numbers and parted our ways. In fact, I was just wishing to mitigate the pain of seeing her in front of me.

She was damn too smart. one day when our Nepali teacher Hari sir was threatening us to put in snake cage, she said, “sir, there is no snake in the cage, I saw it.”. sir was speechless. She came first in the Nursery. I failed, she mocked me so much. I  was competing with her in the next year. I came first, she came second. I was too happy. Her father told my father that she kept weeping for whole night rey. She didn’t talk with me for few days, I made her talk with me, “Prerana, I became first this time, you come next time ok! we are friends arent we?” She hugged me and we were friends. Friends who were inseparable.

Relationship ends but the feelings does not!